All I have to say is all what you know already, to confirm what you already know, the message of the Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) as given by God - the Religion of Truth. As human beings we are given a consciousness and a duty that has placed us at the top of creation. Man is created to be God's deputy on earth, and it is important to realize the obligation to rid ourselves of all illusions and to make our lives a preparation for the next life. Anybody who misses this chance is not likely to be given another, to be brought back again and again, because it says in Qur'an Majeed that when man is brought to account, he will say, "O Lord, send us back and give us another chance." The Lord will say, "If I send you back you will do the same." I was brought up in the modern world of all the luxury and the high life of show business. I was born in a Christian home, but we know that every child is born in his original nature - it is only his parents that turn him to this or that religion. I was given this religion (Christianity) and thought this way. I was taught that God exists, but there was no direct contact with God, so we had to make contact with Him through Jesus - he was in fact the door to God. This was more or less accepted by me, but I did not swallow it all. I looked at some of the statues of Jesus; they were just stones with no life. And when they said that God is three, I was puzzled even more but could not argue. I more or less believed it, because I had to have respect for the faith of my parents. Gradually I became alienated from this religious upbringing. I started making music. I wanted to be a big star. All those things I saw in the films and on the media took hold of me, and perhaps I thought this was my God, the goal of making money. I had an uncle who had a beautiful car. "Well," I said, "he has it made. He has a lot of money." The people around me influenced me to think that this was it; this world was their God. I decided then that this was the life for me; to make a lot of money, have a 'great life.' Now my examples were the pop stars. I started making songs, but deep down I had a feeling for humanity, a feeling that if I became rich I would help the needy. (It says in the Qur'an, we make a promise, but when we make something, we want to hold onto it and become greedy.) So what happened was that I became very famous. I was still a teenager, my name and photo were splashed in all the media. They made me larger than life, so I wanted to live larger than life and the only way to do that was to be intoxicated (with liquor and drugs).

After a year of financial success and 'high' living, I became very ill, contracted TB and had to be hospitalized. It was then that I started to think: What was to happen to me? Was I just a body, and my goal in life was merely to satisfy this body? I realized now that this calamity was a blessing given to me by Allah, a chance to open my eyes - "Why am I here? Why am I in bed?" - and I started looking for some of the answers. At that time there was great interest in the Eastern mysticism. I began reading, and the first thing I began to become aware of was death, and that the soul moves on; it does not stop. I felt I was taking the road to bliss and high accomplishment. I started meditating and even became a vegetarian. I now believed in 'peace and flower power,' and this was the general trend. But what I did believe in particular was that I was not just a body. This awareness came to me at the hospital. One day when I was walking and I was caught in the rain, I began running to the shelter and then I realized, 'Wait a minute, my body is getting wet, my body is telling me I am getting wet.' This made me think of a saying that the body is like a donkey, and it has to be trained where it has to go. Otherwise, the donkey will lead you where it wants to go. Then I realized I had a will, a God-given gift: follow the will of God. I was fascinated by the new terminology I was learning in the Eastern religion. By now I was fed up with Christianity. I started making music again and this time I started reflecting my own thoughts. I remember the lyric of one of my songs. It goes like this: "I wish I knew, I wish I knew what makes the Heaven, what makes the Hell. Do I get to know You in my bed or some dusty cell while others reach the big hotel?" and I knew I was on the Path. I also wrote another song, "The Way to Find God Out." I became even more famous in the world of music. I really had a difficult time because I was getting rich and famous, and at the same time, I was sincerely searching for the Truth. Then I came to a stage where I decided that Buddhism is all right and noble, but I was not ready to leave the world. I was too attached to the world and was not prepared to become a monk and to isolate myself from society. I tried Zen and Ching, numerology, tarot cards and astrology. I tried to look back into the Bible and could not find anything. At this time I did not know anything about Islam, and then, what I regarded as a miracle occurred. My brother had visited the mosque in Jerusalem and was greatly impressed that while on the one hand it throbbed with life (unlike the churches and synagogues which were empty), on the other hand, an atmosphere of peace and tranquillity prevailed.

When he came to London he brought back a translation of the Qur'an, which he gave to me. He did not become a Muslim, but he felt something in this religion, and thought I might find something in it also. And when I received the book, a guidance that would explain everything to me - who I was; what was the purpose of life; what was the reality and what would be the reality; and where I came from - I realized that this was the true religion; religion not in the sense the West understands it, not the type for only your old age. In the West, whoever wishes to embrace a religion and make it his only way of life is deemed a fanatic. I was not a fanatic, I was at first confused between the body and the soul. Then I realized that the body and soul are not apart and you don't have to go to the mountain to be religious. We must follow the will of God. Then we can rise higher than the angels. The first thing I wanted to do now was to be a Muslim. I realized that everything belongs to God, that slumber does not overtake Him. He created everything. At this point I began to lose the pride in me, because hereto I had thought the reason I was here was because of my own greatness. But I realized that I did not create myself, and the whole purpose of my being here was to submit to the teaching that has been perfected by the religion we know as Al-Islam. At this point I started discovering my faith. I felt I was a Muslim. On reading the Qur'an, I now realized that all the Prophets sent by God brought the same message. Why then were the Jews and Christians different? I know now how the Jews did not accept Jesus as the Messiah and that they had changed His Word. Even the Christians misunderstand God's Word and called Jesus the son of God. Everything made so much sense. This is the beauty of the Qur'an; it asks you to reflect and reason, and not to worship the sun or moon but the One Who has created everything. The Qur'an asks man to reflect upon the sun and moon and God's creation in general. Do you realize how different the sun is from the moon? They are at varying distances from the earth, yet appear the same size to us; at times one seems to overlap the other. Even when many of the astronauts go to space, they see the insignificant size of the earth and vastness of space. They become very religious, because they have seen the Signs of Allah. When I read the Qur'an further, it talked about prayer, kindness and charity. I was not a Muslim yet, but I felt that the only answer for me was the Qur'an, and God had sent it to me, and I kept it a secret. But the Qur'an also speaks on different levels. I began to understand it on another level, where the Qur'an says, "Those who believe do not take disbelievers for friends and the believers are brothers." Thus at this point I wished to meet my Muslim brothers.

Then I decided to journey to Jerusalem (as my brother had done). At Jerusalem, I went to the mosque and sat down. A man asked me what I wanted. I told him I was a Muslim. He asked what was my name. I told him, "Stevens." He was confused. I then joined the prayer, though not so successfully. Back in London, I met a sister called Nafisa. I told her I wanted to embrace Islam and she directed me to the New Regent Mosque. This was in 1977, about one and a half years after I received the Qur'an. Now I realized that I must get rid of my pride, get rid of Iblis, and face one direction. So on a Friday, after Jumma' I went to the Imam and declared my faith (the Kalima) at this hands. You have before you someone who had achieved fame and fortune. But guidance was something that eluded me, no matter how hard I tried, until I was shown the Qur'an. Now I realize I can get in direct contact with God, unlike Christianity or any other religion. As one Hindu lady told me, "You don't understand the Hindus. We believe in one God; we use these objects (idols) to merely concentrate." What she was saying was that in order to reach God, one has to create associates, that are idols for the purpose. But Islam removes all these barriers. The only thing that moves the believers from the disbelievers is the salat. This is the process of purification.

Finally I wish to say that everything I do is for the pleasure of Allah and pray that you gain some inspirations from my experiences. Furthermore, I would like to stress that I did not come into contact with any Muslim before I embraced Islam. I read the Qur'an first and realized that no person is perfect. Islam is perfect, and if we imitate the conduct of the Holy Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) we will be successful. May Allah give us guidance to follow the path of the ummah of Muhammad (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam). Ameen!

Yusuf Islam (formerly Cat Stevens)

Cat Stevens was born Stephen Demetre Georgiou on July 21st, 1948 to a Greek Cypriot father and Swedish mother. In the late 60's he had a string of hit records in the UK including "I Love My Dog," "Matthew And Son," and "The First Cut Is the Deepest." He later repeated his success throughout the world with a number of top selling albums including "Tea For The Tillerman" and "Teaser And The Firecat." In 1977 Cat Stevens embraced Islam and became a Muslim. Two years later he changed his name to Yusuf Islam and left the music business as Cat Stevens forever. Yusuf is a prominent and well respected member of the British Muslim community. He runs two primary schools and is the chairman of several charities. He has released several Islamic albums since leaving the music business.

My Search

About five years ago, I was fifty-two years old and a Christian. I had not become a member of any Christian church, but all my life I had been searching for the truth. I attended many churches and studied with their teachers. All fell short and I recognized none as being the truth about Allah. Since I was nine years old, I had read the Bible everyday of my life. I cannot tell you, over the many years, how many times I searched it for the truth.

During the long years of my search for the truth, I studied with many religious faiths. For over a year I studied two times a week with a Catholic priest, but could not accept Catholic beliefs. I spent another year studying with the Jehovah Witnesses and did not accept their beliefs either. I spent nearly two years with the LDS (Latter-Day Saints, i.e. the Mormons) and still did not find truth. I had a Jewish friend and we had many discussions about the Jewish beliefs. I went to many Protestant churches, some for months at a time, trying to find answers to my questions.

My heart told me Jesus was not God but a Prophet. My heart told me Adam and Eve were responsible for their sin, not me. My heart told me I should pray to God and no other. My reason told me that I was responsible for both my good and bad deeds and that God would never assume the form of a man in order to tell me that I was not responsible. He had no need to live and die as a human; after all, He is God.

So there I was, full of questions and praying to God for help. I had a real fear of dying and not knowing the truth. I prayed and I prayed. I received answers from preachers and priests like, "This is a mystery." I felt that God wanted people to go to heaven so He wouldn't make it a mystery as to how to get there, how to live life accordingly, and how to understand Him. I knew in my heart that all that I was hearing was untrue.

I live in Arizona, USA and at the age of fifty-two had still never talked to a Muslim. I, like many Westerners, had read much in the media about Islam being a fanatical religion of terrorists, so I never researched any books or information about Islam. I knew nothing about the religion.

My Discovery

About four years ago, I retired after twenty-four years as a police officer. My husband also retired as a police officer. The year before my retirement I was still a police sergeant/supervisor. Police officers worldwide have a common bond, which we call a law-enforcement brother-sisterhood. We always help one anther no matter what police department or country.

That year I received a flyer asking for help with a group of Saudi Arabian police officers who had come to the United States to learn English at a local University and attend a police academy in the city that I live in. The Saudi police officers were looking for homes to live in with host families in order to learn about US customs and to practice the English that they would be learning.

My son is raising my granddaughter as a single parent. We helped him to find a house next to ours so that we could help in raising her. I talked to my husband and we decided that it would be good to help these police officers. It would be an opportunity for our granddaughter to learn about people from another country. I was told that the young men were Muslims and I was very curious.

An Arizona State University Saudi interpreter brought a young man named Abdul to meet us. He could speak no English. We showed him a bedroom and bathroom, which would be his when he stayed with us. I liked Abdul immediately. His respectful and kind manner won my heart!

I grew to love these young men, and they told me that I was the first non-Muslim they had ever taught Islam!

Next Fahd was brought to our home. He was younger and shyer, but a wonderful young man. I became their tutor and we shared many discussions about police work, the USA, Saudi Arabia, Islam, etc. I observed how they helped each other and also the other sixteen Saudi police officers who came to the USA to learn English. During the year they were here, I came to respect and admire Fahd and Abdul for not letting the American culture have any impact on them. They went to mosque on Fridays, said their prayers no matter how tired they were, and were always careful of what they ate, etc. They showed me how to cook some traditional Saudi foods and they took me to Arab markets and restaurants. They were very kind with my granddaughter. They showered her with presents, jokes and friendship.

They treated my husband and me with much respect. Each day, they would call to see if I needed them to go to market for me before they went to study with their fellow Saudi officers. I showed them how to use the computer, and I ordered Arab papers online and began to search the Internet to learn more about them, their customs and religion. I did not want to do things that would offend them.

One day, I asked them if they had an extra Qur'an. I wanted to read what it had to say. They sent to their embassy in Washington DC and they got me an English Qur'an, tapes, and other pamphlets. At my request, we began to discuss Islam (they had to speak English and this became the focus of our tutoring sessions). I grew to love these young men, and they told me that I was the first non-Muslim they had ever taught Islam to! After a year, they completed their studies and training at the police academy. I was able to help them with their police studies, as I had been a police instructor during my career as a police officer. I invited many of their brother-officers to the house to help with university projects and to practice English. One brother had his wife come to stay here in the US, and I was invited to their home. They were very gracious and I was able to talk to his wife about Muslim dress, prayer ablutions, and similar things.

A week before "my foster sons" were to return home to Saudi Arabia, I planned a family dinner with all their favorite traditional foods (I bought some because I didn't know how to cook all of them). I purchased a hijab and an abaya (long Islamic gown). I wanted them to go home remembering me dressed appropriately as a Muslim sister. Before we ate, I said the Shahadah (public declaration of faith). The boys cried and laughed and it was so special. I believe in my heart that Allah sent the boys to me in answer to my years of prayers. I believe He chose me to see the truth by the light of Islam. I believe Allah sent Islam to my very home. I praise Him for His mercy, love and kindness to me.

My Journey in Islam

My Saudi boys returned to their homeland about a week after my reversion. I missed them greatly, but was still happy. I had joined the local mosque as a member almost immediately after my reversion and registered myself as a Muslim. I was anticipating a warm welcome from my new Muslim community. I thought all Muslims were like my Saudi boys and the other young Saudi officers whom I had met and spent time with during the previous year.

My family was still in a state of shock! They thought I would stick with this new religion for a while, become disgruntled, and move on to another religion as I had done all my adult life. They were surprised at the changes that I began to make in my daily life. My husband is a congenial man, so when I said that we were going to be eating halal foods and eliminating haram (forbidden) foods, he said, "Okay."

My next change was removing pictures of people and animals from the rooms in the house. One day my husband came home from work to find me placing family pictures that had once hung on the walls in our home, in large, handsomely-bound photo albums. He watched and didn't comment.

Next I wrote a letter to my non-Muslim family telling them about my reversion and how it would and wouldn't change our family relationships. I explained a few of the basics of Islam. Still my family kept their own counsel, and I continued to work on learning prayer and reading my Qur'an. I got active in sister groups on the Internet and this facilitated my learning about my new beliefs.

I also attended a "Fundamentals of Islam" class at the mosque when I could get away from my work. I was still a state police sergeant and it was difficult, no, impossible to cover. This became a source of real discontent and concern for me. Just eight months and I could retire, so I asked for and was granted the right to telecommute from my home three days a week doing planning and research projects.

After the first six months had passed, sisters at the mosque that I attended still hadn't warmed up to me. I was disappointed. I began to feel like an outsider. I was puzzled and concerned. I tried to become active in community services with a few sisters who had been friendly towards me. I looked for the kindness, friendship, and best of manners that were practiced each and every day by my Saudi boys. I made many mistakes at the mosque, such as talking in the prayer room as I tried to get up and down from the floor. I went to a community celebration and ate with my left hand; I wore clear nail polish on my trimmed nails and got scolded. I did wudu (ablutions) incorrectly and was frowned at. I became very discouraged.

Then one day I received a package in the mail from a sister-friend who I had met on the Internet. In the package were several abayas, hijabs, silk stockings, and a warm and friendly note welcoming me as her sister in Islam. She lives in Kuwait. Next a dear sister sent me a prayer robe and prayer rug she had hand-made herself. This dear sister lives in Saudi Arabia. I got an email that had a statement that I always remember at times when I get that "outsider" feeling. The note said: "I am glad that I became Muslim before I met many Muslims". This is not an insult. It was a reminder that Islam is perfect and it is we Muslims who are imperfect. Just as I have shortcomings, so may my sisters and brothers. I also began to understand what I personally believe to be one of the greatest gifts that Allah gave to the Muslims: the sister and brotherhood in Islam.

Over the past four years my life has changed dramatically. My family has come to accept with generosity and tolerance that I am Muslim and will remain Muslim. All thanks be to Allah for sparing me the trials of so many reverts who must deal with beloved family who strive to dissuade them from Islam.

My journey in Islam will continue, and I look forward to many new experiences.

Gradually, I made some sister friends locally and by cyber space, dozens of sister friends became my Muslim family bringing me support, love and friendship. It was close to my first year as a Muslim that I became ill with a series of life-threatening diseases. I clung tight to the rope of Islam and was grateful for the black seed tea and ZamZam water that my sister-friends sent me from around the world along with their daily dua (supplications) .

As my health continued to fail and I grew weaker physically, I had to discontinue community service work and became more isolated from the local Muslim community. I continued to work hard on my prayer, having great difficulty with the Arabic pronunciation but not giving up. My Islamic teacher made some cassette tapes, and a sister brought them to my home to help me. After two years, I had learned to recite four Surahs (chapters) of the Qur'an. This may seem like a small number to most Muslims, but for me it was a very big accomplishment. I set about learning the words for the other parts of prayer, another two years of struggle.

During the early part of my third year as a Muslim, I suffered a heart attack and had heart surgery. It was a sad time for me, as I knew that I would never again touch my head to the floor when praying, but would forever have to sit in my chair and pray. It was at this time that I truly understood the provision from Allah that Islam is the religion of ease. Praying while seated in a chair is acceptable; not fasting when one is sick is acceptable. I did not have to feel that I was less a Muslim because of these circumstances.

After visiting several mosques and observing that they were like mini United Nations, I began to see that the small groups within the mosque were mostly formed because of language and culture and not because of liking or disliking any person. I felt good that regardless of these differences, I could always count on a smile and an As-Salaam Alaykum!

After a while, I began to gravitate towards sisters who are reverts to Islam like me. We have much in common " we experience many of the same trials, such as non-Muslim family members, difficulty pronouncing Arabic, being lonely on Muslim holidays, and not having a family member to break fast with during Ramadan. Sometimes our reversions meant losing life-long friends who just couldn't accept our new habits, or it was because of our discontinuance of activities common to non-Muslims, such as dancing and mixing in groups.

As I grew less able to do community services, I searched for some way to contribute to the greater Muslim community. I continually asked Allah for His help in this. One day, my young granddaughter suggested that I write books about my Saudi boys, Islam, and my family's experience with Islam. I decided to write the books and also include stories about a group of young girls, both Muslim and non-Muslim, who were friends. The stories would include the young girls' problems encountered at school and at home and I would use my knowledge of Islam as a guide for these book characters.

I began writing a book series that I called Islamic Rose Books. I created an e-group for sister authors and aspiring writers and this developed into the creation of the Islamic Writers Alliance. The Alliance is an international organization created to provide support for female Muslim authors and aspiring writers. Our main goal is to help each other promote our works to readers and publishers. I also decided to help two Muslim food banks by creating databases that help them to track their inventory, clients, and contacts and to create reports necessary for funding purposes. I decided that I would spend a large portion of my profits from book sales to buy books for Islamic children's libraries. I have discovered that many such libraries have lots of empty shelves where Islamic books belong.

I still have much to learn about Islam. I never tire of reading the Qur'an and one of my favorite pastimes is reading about prominent, historical Islamic figures. When I am unsure about something in Islam, I look to the Sunnah of the Prophet (peace be upon him). I see how he responded to situations and use this as my guide. My journey in Islam will continue, and I look forward to many new experiences. I thank Allah daily for His Mercy and Love.

Linda Delgado is a Muslim, lives in Arizona, is married, and has three children and eight grandchildren. Mrs. Delgado is a graduate of the University of Phoenix and is a retired State Police Sergeant. She is also the Director of the Islamic Writers Alliance www.islamicwritersalliance.net and author of Islamic Rose Books. www.widad-lld.com.

source: islamonline.net/english/journey/2004/03/jour02.shtml

It all started when I was about 8 years old. I was introduced to ancient Egypt in school and had wanted to be an archeologist all my life. That never came to pass, but I had always prayed to God that one day I could go to Egypt.

My prayer was answered in 1995 when I had the opportunity to visit Egypt and not as a "tourist"...I got to stay with the family of one of my sister's friends.

One night while at the Khan Al Khilili Bazar, the call to prayer came. I asked my sister's friend, what on earth, was it saying? He told me that they were saying parts of the Quran and that I should read the Quran, it would change my life. That's all he said and all I said on the matter. His words haunted me for the next 4 years.

Shortly after coming back from Egypt, I met a man who would become my husband. We have been living together for the last 4 years. August of 1998, I had this brilliant idea to get him a second wife. I don't know what possessed me or why I wanted this really. It just seemed like a splended idea. We love each other so much, that I wanted to be able to share this love with another woman in our lives. I almost felt like a hog for keeping him to myself.

We did our research on polygyny and found out what's involved and how to make it work and within a month we found someone. We have been polygamous since October 1998.

In July of 1999, I was doing some more research on polygyny again and stumbled upon polygyny in Islam. Hmmmm....this definitely sparked my interest. Then it led to the Status of Women in Islam...this was getting even better!

One thing led to another, it got better and better and it finally got to the point where I had to ask myself how could I NOT be a muslim instead of asking myself why I SHOULD be a muslim.

Then the tough part. How to tell my partners what was happening to me. My husband was upset, naturally, because this could mean the end of our relationship. But I am a rational person. You don't get to live to the ripe old age of 41 by being stupid . I would not do anything to jeopardize our relationship and to me, Islam was so simple and logical, how could we NOT be muslims? He was afraid that it would be something that he could not accept in his life, but I told him to do the research for himself and let me know what he finds. He found that Islam is not the horrible, woman hating religion that he thought it was, but rather just the opposite! It is simple and logical.

The problem now lies with my co-wife but it turned out not to be a problem because he can marry a Christian woman! How wonderful! I was going to wait until we could find an Imam and what the rules for marriage were before saying the shahada, but I couldn't wait so I said shahada on August 13th, a Friday (how symbolic, I thought...letting go of all those superstitions). My husband said shahada the following week.

Now, we had to be good until we could get married, which we did and we had an Islamic marriage on September 12th, one year to the day after meeting our Co-Wife.

It seems that Allah was guiding me to Islam through these chain of events. Going to Egypt. Being open to polygyny. I was born and raised Catholic and living this type of lifestyle is definitely not the norm, but it felt so right. I had always had a problem with Christianity and couldn't quite put my finger on it until I found Islam.

I had stopped going to church when I was 17, when my parents couldn't "force" me any longer. I had always believed in God, but didn't quite know how to go about what I should believe and why I should believe it. For many years I wondered if there was a God at all. Islam gave me all the answers, the answers that I had been searching for all my life.

Islam is right. There is no god but Allah and Muhammad is His messenger.

Fi aman allah
Shyamma

I did not know who I was until I began studying religions. Although raised as a Christian, I had never been satisfied with the Church’s “teachings.” I hadn’t known other religions existed. I felt tremendous conviction to find ‘Who’ my Creator was and what my existence and purpose was on earth. In searching diverse Christian beliefs, I found too many, each professing to be ‘The One’. Unfulfilled, I started researching other beliefs: Judaism, Hinduism, Buddhism, one after another.

Depression began to cloud my thoughts. I played with ideas that all religions were myths, like the Santas and Easter bunnies that I had been raised with. Atheism crossed my mind, and that thought frightened me. If there was no Creator, then there was really no purpose in living. The modesty and caring I was brought up to believe in seemed to be fruitless. It only brought me hardships. The world wasn’t modest or caring. I had been ridiculed for my puritanical lifestyle. My life was writing, books and study. I hadn’t been able to share in attitudes of those around me. Many kept trying to get me to change, to “realize that it was the twentieth century”, to “loosen up and have some fun”, or so they said. My children, writing and studies had been my life until 1987. Then everything changed. My father passed away that year. Devotion, loyalty and purity hadn’t helped me in keeping him alive. I couldn’t do anything to help him as he grew more ill. When he was gone, I felt alone. Sadness filled my heart. But it was ‘my’ sadness. I couldn’t let others feel it through me or for me.

I began looking back. My life had been difficult, disappointing and hard. The only reason I felt I had to complete the life cycle, was because it was, by nearly every religion I studied, a horrendous and unforgivable sin to end it at one’s own decision. Finally, working through the grief process, I realized that everything I learned made very little sense. I prayed through tears of sincerity for ‘my Creator’, whoever that might be, to guide me to that which was right. My studies brought knowledge of Him, but my heart could not find Him. I knew I couldn’t do it alone. I sought Divine guidance.

The next morning I rose from sleep, turned on the television, trying desperately to fill my mind with nothingness to distract nagging thoughts about religions and beliefs. On the screen was Phil Donahue, the popular talk show host, with a couple, the man speaking with a foreign accent about Islam and the woman, his wife, who had converted to Islam. I was not too interested in what she might say, as I had known numerous women who converted to their husband’s religions. I had rejected this as I felt that one’s beliefs should be because of one’s own personal convictions and relationship with the Creator. As she began to speak, I saw and felt something very different. She sat in the most modest dress with head covered, but to me she looked only pure and beautiful. It didn’t matter that you couldn’t see what her body or hair looked like. It was in her eyes and voice. She seemed very much Muslim and believed in Islam. I wondered, could I ever be accepted as a Muslim by other Muslims? Were there other blonde-haired, blue-eyed, female Muslims? I knew so little about this new religion but something was happening to me even then. Something was drawing my heart to listen, but the visual alone was making me sit up and take notice. My depression disappeared. My attention was clearer than ever.

It was time in my life that I heard of Islam. I had no understanding of the religion which I now consider a way of life, rather than just a belief. I can’t remember much of what they said but the conviction was growing in my soul. Something about the Qur’an, about staying modest in this perverted world, about husbands being faithful and loyal to their families. None of it seemed to be the hype religions use to manipulate their parctioners. It seemed logical and dealt with reality. I liked that. It made sense for me. I wished I’d known about this growing up. I’d always kept an open mind, never judging acquaintances from the way they lived, but I could never change to live the way they did, although it ruined many relationships. But here, in front of my eyes, seeping into my ears, were the words that fit the way I thought, lived and believed. Now I had a word for it all: Islam!.

I was living alone in my home in a little town in the South. There were no books on Islam at the library. They pre-read all their books and a committee approved which ones they would shelve. Being born and raised in New York, I knew how to get information others might consider censored, I was told there was one Muslim, living in the town, married to a Methodist. I called the Methodist Church, explained what I was looking for and they gave me the name of the family. I called to see if he might know what translation of Qur’an was best and where I might acquire one. He gave me information and I ordered a copy of the Qur’an, a pocket book edition. When I got my copy in the mail, I read it cover to cover in two days. It was poetry to me. It was in that moment, I embraced Islam and was embraced by Islam.

I was like an addict. Never before was I so obsessed with anything. I couldn’t get enough of it. I called the Saudi Arabian embassy in Washington, DC and within a week my mailbox was filled with beautiful and precious information. I holed up in my home, locking doors, lowering drapes, unplugging phones, not speaking to anyone. I didn’t want to be disturbed from my newly found treasures. I was in paradise. Everything I read suited me. I saw through the messages and words the way, I believed had not been old fashioned or wrong. Finally I had found my Creator’s wishes and commands had been with me all along. Where I went from there, I was sure, would be limitless, not accepted by others perhaps, but limitless for my heart.

I believe Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta ‘ala) will direct my steps in whatever way He chooses. I thought back of how I prayed so hard and for the first time, the Creator had answered through a talk show that had lasted only an hour out of the years of my past life.

Finding a place for books, tapes and prayer rugs, I ordered everything I could. I received another copy of the Qur’an. Such beautiful words filled the thick, green and gold hard-cover book in Arabic and the translation of its meaning in English. In reading it from cover to cover, I started dreaming about Mosques and foreign countries, something I had never dreamed about before. They were lucid and special. I never really understood all aspects of the meanings, but they brought me peace. Always doubting my own beliefs after years of being told what was right by others, the dreams were the verification that Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta ‘ala) did guide me to Islam. I read passages every night. I don’t understand everything yet because I don’t know other Muslims and have no one to talk to or ask questions of. But I have recently found the Islamic Horizons with great reading and services I didn’t know existed.

Now I even have a covering for my head. Although I don’t exactly know how to properly pray yet, I put my prayer rug on the floor, cover my head and I do pray, five times a day, repeating the words found in the first Surah (the opening), and hope that Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta ‘ala) will accept my ignorance while I am still trying to learn. My hope is that Allah will lead me to the correct ways, laws and prayers that will allow me to live in the fullest for Him and develop the true Islamic lifestyle. What I do know is that I have finally found the way and inside I have found what had always been the part of me that seemed to be missing; The Heart of a Muslim.

D. Jacqualine Cosens

Sister. D. Jacqualine Cosens is a freelance writer and researcher, and served as a newspaper editor.

The story of how I reverted to al Islam is a story of plans. I made plans; the group I was with made plans, and Allah made plans. And Allah is the Best of Planners. When I was a teenager, I came to the attention of a group of people with a very sinister agenda. They were and probably still are a loose association of individuals who work in government positions but have a special agenda — to destroy Islam. It is not a governmental group that I am aware of, they simply use their positions in the US government to advance their cause.

One member of this group approached me because he saw that I was articulate, motivated and very much the women’s rights advocate. He told me that if I studied International Relations with an emphasis in the Middle East, he would guarantee me a job at the American Embassy in Egypt. He wanted me to eventually go there to use my position in the country to talk to Muslim women and encourage the fledgling women’s rights movement. I thought this was a great idea. I had seen the Muslim women on tv; I knew they were a poor oppressed group, and I wanted to lead them to the light of 20th century freedom.

With this intention, I went to college and began my education. I studied Quraan, hadith and Islamic history. I also studied the ways I could use this information. I learned how to twist the words to say what I wanted them to say. It was a valuable tool. Once I started learning, however, I began to be intrigued by this message. It made sense. That was very scary. Therefore, in order to counteract this effect, I began to take classes in Christianity. I chose to take classes with this one professor on campus because he had a good reputation and he had a Ph.D. in Theology from Harvard University. I felt I was in good hands. I was, but not for the reasons I thought. It turns out that this professor was a Unitarian Christian. He did not believe in the trinity or the divinity of Jesus. In actuality, he believed that Jesus was a prophet.

He proceeded to prove this by taking the bible from its sources in Greek, Hebrew and Aramaic and show where they were changed. As he did this, he showed the historical events which shaped and followed these changes. By the time I finished this class, my deen had been destroyed, but I was still not ready to accept Islam. As time went on, I continued to study, for myself and for my future career. This took about three years. In this time, I would question Muslims about their beliefs. One of the Individuals I questioned was a Muslim brother with the MSA. Alhamdulllah, he saw my interest in the deen, and made it a personal effort to educate me about Islam. May Allah increase his reward. He would give me dawaa at every opportunity which presented itself.

One day, this man contacts me, and he tells me about a group of Muslims who were visiting in town. He wanted me to meet them. I agreed. I went to meet with them after ishaa prayer. I was led to a room with at least 20 men in it. They all made space for me to sit, and I was placed face to face with an elderly Pakistani gentleman. Mashallah, this brother was a very knowledgeable man in matters of Christianity. He and I discussed and argued the varying parts of the bible and the Quraan until the fajr. At this point, after having listened to this wise man tell me what I already knew, based on the class I had taken in Christianity, he did what no other individual had ever done. He invited me to become a Muslim. In the three years I had been searching and researching, no one had ever invited me. I had been taught, argued with and even insulted, but never invited. May Allah guide us all. So when he invited me, it clicked. I realized this was the time. I knew it was the truth, and I had to make a decision. Alhamdulillah, Allah opened my heart, and I said, “Yes. I want to be a Muslim.” With that, the man led me in the shahadah - in English and in Arabic. I swear by Allah that when I took the shahadah, I felt the strangest sensation. I felt as if a huge, physical weight had just been lifted off my chest; I gasped for breath as if I were breathing for the first time in my life. Alhamdulillah, Allah had given me a new life — a clean slate — a chance for Jennah, and I pray that I live the rest of my days and die as a Muslim. Ameen.

Shariffa Carlo

Shariffa Carlo has written many articles and helped the cause of Islam tremondously in the United States. May Allah reward her greatly in this life, and the next Inshallah. To know more about Sister Shariffa Carlo go to the Official site for the Islamic American Da'ea Sharrifa Carlo.

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